A Sad Eid: There and back again

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I woke at 5:30 am and fumbled around in the bathroom, rushing to not miss the dawn prayer. I had only gotten some 3 hours of sleep. Thankfully however, I did not miss the prayer.

It was 6:30 am when my mother brought some breakfast up to my room. It was at that moment that it hit me.
Ramdan, the muslim month of fasting was over.

I ate, each bite feeling more sinful than the last. It just didn’t feel right. Today however was the day of celebration, of praising God for the favour of Ramadan and gathering together to socialize and just have old fashioned fun.
It would be a day of visiting many homes and hugging many people, a day of laughing and talking and singing and celebrating.

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It was a day of excitement. And sure enough the Eid prayer was exciting. Embracing my friends and family and other unknown Muslims was exciting. Driving around, eating and laughing was refreshing.

Then I returned, tired and torn to my own home and sat in front of the computer deep in thought.

30 days ago I had waited for this day of Eid. Now those 30 days were over, gone like a puddle of rain in the sun. I sat and I pondered and this thought made me incredibly sad. And for one reason or another, I found it difficult to feel happy on the day of Eid. The realization that time is so callous, insensitive and cruel, that it does not wait and cannot be stopped, that it changes everything it touches, this realization hit hard on the day of Eid, probably because my anticipation for it had been paramount.

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Time is such a distasteful being, cruel and inconsiderate. He doesn’t care what you think or how you feel, he just does. This is why regret is so punishing, because regret is brooding over a thing which will never come to be, a thing from the past that time had devoured forever.

Yet I cannot be anything but thankful for the facility of Eid. I can sit and have these reflections but many a brothers and sisters around the world are wondering if they would survive till the next day.

This Eid, lets think about that.

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