How to stop a Mongol invasion
Baybars: One hunk of a man

Who exactly was this hulking, gigantic, blue eyed, blonde haired, brutishly strong Mamluk Muslim worrier? He was Plan B against the Mongol invasion. That’s who he was. Baybars was born somewhere in the outskirts of Ukraine and the poor lad lost his parents and his whole village to a Mongol invasion. To make a long story short, lets just say Baybars had a pretty eventful life. Noticing the size of his guns and coming to the conclusion that he does in fact lift, Gengis Khan enslaved him and sold him to the Sultan of Egypt for a few drinks.

Because of his huge, imposing figure and insane strength, the douche Sultan forcefully converted Baybars to Islam and enlisted him in a legion of Mamluk-slave infantry men that basically acted as cannon fodder against European crusaders. What the Sultan did was wrong and he’d be paid back later in like fashion.

Baybars spent the rest of his days quickly climbing the ranks of the military by showing exceptional skill in battle and masterful leadership qualities. At one point he single handedly devised a plan in the thick of battle to defeat 60,000 blood raged European crusaders.

Long story short, Baybars spent many years being badass and winning left and right. When the Sultan didn’t give him his due respect, Baybars killed him like it was nothing and fled to Syria to be a mercenary.


Old wounds didn’t heal man and our favourite killbot got quite pissed.


The Mongol’s had decimated the Caliphate and burned Damascus to the ground. Islamic cities fell left and right and even the Caliph got his head chopped off. The last line of defense was Egypt and the Mongol general sent envoys asking for their surrender or the total destruction of the Islamic nation. Naturally, Baybar sent back the envoys heads to Mr. Khan and prepared for war.

With little hope remaining Baybars rallied his troops and met the Mongols for a final stand on the plains of A’in-Jalut (Pools of Goliath).


Their sheer numbers and ferocious nature suddenly overtook the Muslim army. Panic set in and the men of Baybars went this way and that. It was chaos. But Baybars wouldn’t have it NA UH! He rallied his men with his clear and resounding voice and suddenly turned the tied of battle by surrounding the Mongol army with crazy raids from his light cavalry, Lord of the Rings, Rohirrim style.

And Baybars took no prisoner. He killed every last man of the Mongol hoard on the plains of A’in-Jalut.

Then he went to the interm Caliph to ask for a reward because you know, he totally just saved the entire world. The Caliph was like GTFO so naturally Baybars decapitated him on the spot and became the new Caliph.

Nobody cared since everybody loved Baybars and people hated the Caliph anyway.

Lets recap.

A dirty peasant born in some obscure part of Eastern Europe is then made a slave and forced to fight in deadly battles against his will and then rises to the ranks of a General, destroys the Mongol hoard and becomes the Ruler of the Islamic Empire.



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